It Could Become a Saga
by Kawoosh is Obsessed
Summary: When Owen drops something and has to go after it, he has no idea what the consequences will be. Written for the Torchwood Weekly Writing Challenge at Torchwood Australia. TWWC #8 is now up, be warned, it doesn't go with the others...
1. A 3 Yr Olds Idea of Fun

**TWWC Week 1**

**Title:** "A 3 year olds' idea of fun"

**Author:** Obsessed  
**Fandom:** Torchwood  
**Rating:** G  
**Pairings:** none  
**Summary**: Owen drops something and has to go after it

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Torchwood.

**A/N:** Written for the TWWC (Torchwood Weekly Writing Challenge) Challenge #1 at the Torchwood Australia Forums.

xx

"There's no way you can make me do that," said Owen as the team stared into the contents of the big vat.

"You did it, you fix it Owen." Jack contemplated the huge container thoughtfully from the catwalk that they were standing on and shook his head. "How on earth did you manage it anyway?"

Owen wiped his hand across his forehead and gripped tightly to the rail. "Don't ask."

Tosh looked up from the alien scanner she was holding, "Okay then, according to this it's not toxic, so you should be safe."

Owen glared sideways at her and looked back at the tank. "Do I really have to do this? Surely there's another way?"

"Look at this way Owen, you'd be the envy of every toddler in Cardiff… if they only knew about it!" Gwen smirked as she stepped away from the rail and held her hand out. "The sooner you get it done the sooner we can go. Now hand over anything you hold precious!"

As Owen stripped down to his underwear Ianto leaned over to Jack, "Shall I go and see I can find a towel?" he asked quietly.

Jack glanced down at the vat, and then looked at Owen. "I think we might need more than one." Ianto smiled and nodded, and made his way towards the door at the end of the walkway.

The rest of the team watched as Owen slowly climbed down the ladder and lowered himself chest deep into the vat.

"How's it going down there Owen?" Jack called down as Owen forced his way through the oozing substance.

"Well at least it's not bloody freezing," Owen replied, "and I can touch the bottom. Other than that, how do you think it's going?"

"Have you found anything yet?" Tosh asked as he continued to shuffle his way around the vat, searching carefully with his feet as he went.

Suddenly he jerked, almost slipped over, and then miraculously recovered as he grabbed onto the side of the tank. "I think I've got it!" he yelled. After a moment of fiddling with his foot he held his hand up, the object grasped firmly to prevent it slipping back into the tank.

He carefully made his way back to the ladder, and slowly climbed out of the tank, arriving back on the catwalk at the same that Ianto returned with a pile of big fluffy towels.

"Here you go!" he exclaimed triumphantly as he dropped his prize into Jacks hand. "All safe and sound again."

Jack looked at his hand, an expression of extreme distaste on his face. "Ianto… can I have one of those towels please?" As he looked up, he amended his request. "Not one of the white ones though."

He looked over at Owen who was busily trying to wipe himself clean.

"Owen."

Owen looked up.

"Next time you decide to drop the car keys, please don't do it in a slime factory, ok?"

xx


	2. It's Not Owen's Favourite Colour

**Title:** "It's not Owen's Favourite Colour."

**Author:** Obsessed  
**Fandom:** Torchwood  
**Rating:** PG (Owen swears a little)  
**Pairings:** none  
**Summary**: There are consequences to slime!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Torchwood.

**A/N:** Written for the TWWC Challenge #2 at 

xx

As soon as Owen dropped the keys into Jack's hand he grabbed the pile of towels from Ianto and began to wipe as much of the slime off himself as he could.

"Owen."

The disgust in Jack's voice was obvious to the entire team and the rest of them discreetly drifted in various directions as Owen looked up.

"Next time you decided to drop the car keys, please don't do it in a slime factory, ok?"

Jack dropped his slimy towel at Owen's feet and with the keys in hand strode quickly towards the door.

"Gee, it's not as if I did it on purpose." Owen muttered as he wiped savagely at the sticky goo clinging to his body.

"Oh but Owen, it's such a pretty shade of pink too!" Gwen wasn't trying very hard to hide the amusement in her voice as she watched Owen's struggle. "I bet you'll be a delightful colour for the next few days if it stains even just a little bit."

Owen half heartedly glowered at Gwen, but he was concentrating so hard on trying to remove the slime that he didn't hear Tosh come up behind him. He jumped as she suddenly appeared next to him wearing gloves and wielding a spatula and vial.

"Hold still Owen, I just want to take a sample of this stuff." she murmured as she scraped some of the slime off his shoulder. "My, will you look at that!" she exclaimed as she held the vial up for inspection.

"Do I have to?" Owen grumbled as he rubbed hard at his arms.

"Well you don't have to but I think you should." Tosh replied sharply as she looked over her shoulder and called to Gwen who had started to wander along the catwalk towards the door.

"Gwen, come and look at this." She examined the little vial once more before handing it over to Gwen and packing her things back into her bag.

Gwen held the vial up to the light and studied it. "Wow," she said quietly, "this is really something. Owen, I think Tosh is right, you really should have a look at this."

"I think I've already seen enough of it, so thanks, but no thanks." Owen was still struggling with the towels and the goo, making very little progress in his attempts to clean himself up.

"Well I'm going to show it to Jack. You'd better hurry up and get that stuff off if you want to ride back in the SUV, I don't know if Ianto will let you back in like that." Tosh picked up her bag and followed Gwen along the catwalk to the exit.

As they left they passed Ianto who was returning with more towels.

"I don't think just using a towel is going to work." he observed as Owen flung the towel he was using to the floor in frustration. "And don't think you're coming in the car like that either, I only cleaned it yesterday."

"Oh for fuck's sake Ianto, how do you expect me to get back to the hub then? This stuff is stickier than.. than... than something really, REALLY sticky!!" Owen had given up trying to wipe the slime off himself and was now attempting to struggle back into his clothes. "I need a shower, and I need it NOW!"

Owen kicked the towels aside and minced towards the exit, his clothes clinging to him in all the most uncomfortable places. "I'm hopping into that SUV whether it's clean or not, and as soon as we get back to the hub I'm washing this stuff off properly."

Ianto watched Owen exit the building and then pulled on a pair of gloves and knelt down to gather the dirty towels into the bag he had brought back with him. As he gathered them up he noticed something a bit odd, and after a closer look at the towels, and then a quick glance down into the tank his eyes went wide, and he quickly shoved all the towels into the bag and dashed outside to the SUV.

Outside Jack, Gwen and Tosh were gathered in a tight little group, in what seemed like an intense discussion. Owen was hunched over at the other end of the vehicle, arms tucked into his armpits and a sulky, impatient expression on his face.

"Can we go?" he complained. "It's just that I'm not getting any cleaner hanging around here like this!"

"Hang on Owen." Tosh waved a distracted hand in Owen's direction as she continued her conversation with Jack and Gwen.

"I've never seen anything like it, but I could swear that it looked like perfectly ordinary pink slime in that tank!"

Gwen nodded her agreement, "Nope, there wasn't anything I saw in that tank that indicated there was anything strange in it at all. Except that it was full of bright pink slime."

The three Torchwood members looked up as Ianto came to sudden stop behind them. He held the bag up as he tried to catch his breath.

Jack looked at it cautiously, "What you got there Ianto?"

"Towels... Owen was using... look at them!" he puffed out. "And the tank..."

Jack, Tosh and Gwen looked in the bag, their eyes widening as they saw the state of the towels.

"Owen, come here right now!" Jack ordered as he shoved the bag of towels back at Ianto.

"What now?" Owen moaned as he walked towards Jack. "Can't we just leave?"

"Nope. Open your shirt." Jack instructed.

"What?"

"Open... your... shirt" Jack repeated.

Owen just stood and stared at Jack. "Now what makes you think I'm gonna do that?" he objected.

Jack sighed, "Tosh, show him the sample you took will you please?"

Tosh held up the vial of slime that she had scraped off Owen's shoulder. As he looked at it he gaped in surprise. The vial was glowing, and the slime was now a very sparkly and luminescent shade of extremely bright pink.

"But... it didn't look like that in the tank!" he said desperately. "Oh god, please tell me I'm not bright pink all over!"

Owen ripped open his shirt and then tore his t-shirt off. "Oh my god, I am!!!" he wailed.

"You're definitely not coming in the car now!" Ianto declared.

Gwen giggled, then sniggered, then doubled over with laughter. "It did stain! And more than just a little bit too!!"

"I told you so!"

xx


	3. What Happens Next

**Title:** What Happens Next

**Author:** Obsessed  
**Fandom:** Torchwood  
**Rating:**

**Pairings:** none  
**Summary**: Owen gets left behind at the slime factory

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Torchwood.

**A/N:** Written for the TWWC Challenge #3 at include the words Janet, dare, meat, kiss and stopwatch

xx

Owen watched the SUV disappear around the corner. Ianto had been dead set against him coming anywhere near the vehicle in his current state of day-glo pink stickiness and had informed him in no uncertain terms that he would have to wait until Ianto got back to the hub and made other arrangements for his transportation.

Deciding that there was no point standing around waiting Owen decided to go back into the slime factory and have a bit more of a look around. Minutes later he was standing on the catwalk above the vat he had ventured into and grudgingly admired its bright, shiny, sparkly pinkness. Looking around he noticed that marching off into the gloom of the factory there were several other vats lined up behind the pink one, and after a quick search he was climbing a ladder to the next catwalk and wandering along the long row of vats.

These ones were all full of slime just as the first one was, but devoid of the bright iridescence that now made the first one stand out so obviously. There were more colours too – blue, green, yellow… even a purple one, and right at the back, a black one that seemed to swallow all the light that managed to find its way this far back into the factory.

"Hmm," Owen pondered to himself, "I wonder if they'll all do the same thing the pink one did? Maybe if I chuck something into one of them."

He retraced his steps to the exit, and after looking around for a short while he found a couple of fist sized rocks and an old tin of paint. He took them back into the factory and after choosing a vat, tossed in the first rock. He watched for a minute but nothing happened so he tossed in the next rock. As it slowly sank to the bottom of the tank he noticed that there was now a faint glow where the first rock had gone in.

"Damn," he muttered to himself, "wish I had Ianto's stopwatch so I could time this properly. I think I need to get some samples of this stuff."

After several minutes of wandering up and down the catwalk Owen spotted a door in the gloom and after a brief struggle with the handle, opened the door to discover a small office with another door at the other end leading into more offices. After a quick search he found a cupboard with a small collection of screw top containers that would suit his purpose perfectly.

"Excuse me, who are you and what are you doing in my office?"

Owen jerked up, almost falling over with surprise. He quickly regained his balance, placed the containers on the nearest flat surface and pulled out his rather soggy id card.

"Dr Owen Harper, Torchwood. And you are..?"

"Janet Weivele, assistant manager of the Super Slime factory." She replied with a straight face. She nodded at his dishevelled appearance. "Have an accident?" she queried.

"Er, yeah, a slight mishap with some car keys." He said as he rubbed at his forehead and dragged his arm over his head in a small display of embarrassment.

Janet shook her head as she tried to hide a smile. "It's terrible stuff to get off," she said as she walked over to a desk and rummaged around in a drawer. "but we have found one or two things that do a reasonable job. Now, where did I put that key? Ah, here we are. Come on then, we'll see if we can get you cleaned up a bit shall we?"

Owen followed her down a passageway to a small kitchen. Janet paused briefly to get something out of the fridge, and then pointed down the hallway to where a shower was. As he walked passed she handed him the small container she'd taken out of the fridge.

"What's this?" he asked as he peered into it.

"Mince meat." She replied.

"What?!" Owen looked at her with an incredulous expression on his face. "What am I supposed to do with this?" he demanded.

Janet sighed, "I'm really sorry, but it's the best thing we've found for getting the slime off. Just add a bit of water and rub it all over yourself. There's a big container of soap in the shower to use afterwards."

She turned and headed back towards the office, then paused and turned back again, "Um… it won't do anything for the colour though. Sorry." She grimaced. "We haven't found anything that works on that yet." She shrugged her shoulders as Owen continued to stare flabbergasted at her retreating back.

xx

Half an hour later Owen stepped out of the bathroom, clean and slime free again. Janet had supplied him with a pair of paper overalls to change into and with a grimace of dislike he put them on and wandered back out to the office.

Janet looked up as he came into the small room. "So Dr Owen Harper, Torchwood, now I get to ask what you were doing in our factory? I could have you charged with trespassing you know."

"Actually you can't, we were investigating a complaint and Torchwood has the authority to do whatever it needs to in order to… well, in order to do what it does." Owen replied cockily as he leaned against the desk. "Anyway, what on earth are you putting into that stuff to make it do… this!" he gestured violently at his colourful body. "And how long am I gonna look like this anyway?"

Janet looked at him warily and then sighed. "It usually wears off in a couple of weeks. No one's ever gotten that much on themselves before though! Usually it's just a couple of little splashes on a hand or a shirt. Incidentally, the colour comes out of fabrics remarkably easily." She pondered for a moment and then resumed her explanation, "I have no idea what's in it, all I'm really in charge of is distribution. All I know is that there's a small storeroom up the other end of the factory floor where the dyes are kept, and it's off limits to everyone except the owner and the manager."

"Well I want samples from each one of those vats. And from the storeroom if you can manage it." Owen pushed himself away from the desk and walked towards the door. As he went to open it he paused for a moment, and then looked back at the assistant manager. "Do they all do the same thing? I mean, with the sparkles and the shimmering and everything?" he asked curiously.

"Oh yes, it happens with all of them, and they all have the same … stain … to them too. The pink vat will start to fade shortly and in an hour or so you'll never know it was disturbed."

"So any disturbance affects it?" Owen asked peculiarly. "And they all stain?"

"To different degrees, yes they all stain, and anything that lands in the tank will create a… trace." Janet nodded towards the pink vat, "I've never seen one that spectacular before though. You really must have stirred it up to make it do that." She smiled in amazement as she looked over at the luminescent lake of pink slime, then she noticed the purple tank. "Oh, I see you were experimenting." she said under her breath. Owen could now see clearly the two trails of disturbance left by the rocks he had thrown into the vat of purple slime.

"Anyway," she shook herself, "lets get you those samples shall we? I mean, who am I to stand in the way of Torchwood?" she said with a wink.

Ten minutes later Owen had samples of all six slimes safely stored away in tightly sealed containers and was ready to make his way back to the hub. Unfortunately even his lock picking abilities had been unable to get past the storeroom door, so he hadn't been able to gain access to the dyes that were being used in the slime.

There were trails of disturbance in all six vats where the samples had been taken from, and the samples themselves were glistening and sparkling in their containers.

"You be careful with those," Janet reminded him again as she secured them into a carry case for him. "Once the glow fades they look very ordinary… one of our cleaners mistook a sample for hand soap one afternoon and everyone had green hands for a fortnight afterwards!"

"Really?" Owen replied with a thoughtful look on his face. "I bet that was hard to explain to people."

"Well, it was a fairly cold two weeks so I was able to wear gloves most of the time." Janet admitted, "but I was more grateful that I hadn't washed my face with it like one of the office temps had."

Owen grinned. "I dare say you were extremely thankful for that one! I promise I will be very careful with them."

"Good. Well, I'll be off then, I'll let you know if I can get into the storeroom for samples of the pure dyes."

Owen called out his thanks as he descended the stairs to the exit, and went outside to wait for whatever transport Ianto had arranged. Whilst he waited he carefully pulled out one of the samples from the bag and examined it carefully. It was already starting to lose the more translucent qualities it had gained from the small disturbance needed to collect it, and Owen smiled smugly to himself as he considered the possibilities.

"You little ripper," he said to himself as he gave the jar a small kiss, "now we'll have some fun."

xx


	4. The Calm Before The Storm

TWWC Week 1

**Title:** The Calm Before The Storm

**Author:** Obsessed  
**Fandom:** Torchwood  
**Rating:** PG

**Pairings:** none  
**Summary**: Things carry on as normal after the slime incident… or does it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Torchwood.

**A/N:** Written for the TWWC Challenge #4 at The Torchwood Australia Forums.

**You must write a series / sequence of E-mails or IMs (or both) between members of Team Torchwood.**

(Note: There was also an All-In-Group-Challenge Response to this particular challenge and it can be found at Live Journal, search for clarrisani. (This place automatically removes all hyperlinks, ) The group challenge is completely unrelated to my individual response.)

xx

--

3 MARCH 2008

--

To: All

From: Capt. Jack Harkness

Date: 3 March 2008, 1.27pm

Subject: Afternoon Tasks

Ok everyone, we all have work to get on with. Gwen and Tosh, I want you to go and investigate a report of an unusual suspected murder in Splott.

Tosh, can you please start an in-depth analysis on the slime that we brought back from the factory before you go.

Owen, when you finally make it back you owe me three reports, I want them on my desk before you leave tonight.

Jack

--

To: Ianto Jones

From: Capt. Jack Harkness

Date:3 March 2008, 1.28pm

Subject: Owen's transportation

So what transport have you arranged for Owen and how long is it going to take? There are some reports he has to finish for me, most of them already overdue, plus Gwen and Tosh will most likely be bringing back a corpse for him to autopsy.

Jack

--

To: Capt. Jack Harkness

From: Ianto Jones

Date: 3 March 2008, 1.31pm

Subject: Re: Owen's transportation

Jack,

I've arranged for a bicycle to be delivered to the factory. It should be there by now so Owen should be back at the hub within the half hour. That fast enough for you?

Ianto

--

To: Ianto Jones

From: Capt. Jack Harkness

Date: 3 March 2008, 1.37pm

Subject: Re: Owen's transportation

A bicycle? Owen's gonna be pissed!

Jack

--

To: Ianto Jones

From: Owen Harper

Date: 3 March 2008, 2.14pm

Subject: The bicycle

Ianto, sorry I missed you when I got back, shame really, I was going to say thank you for the bicycle. I had a lovely ride back to the hub in the rain. I've left in the tourist office so you can arrange to have it sent back, or picked up or whatever. (Oh, and in case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic!!)

Owen

--

To: Toshiko Sato

From: Owen Harper

Date: 3 March 2008, 2.15pm

Subject: Sample analysis

Hey Tosh, did you get a chance to do a proper analysis of that slime sample yet? I'd like to know if there is anything important I should know about, you know, like long-term side effects and stuff.

Owen

--

To: Capt. Jack Harkness

From: Gwen Cooper

Date: 3 March 2008, 4.47pm

Subject: Re: Afternoon Tasks

Hi Jack,

There were two bodies involved in that incident in Splott, Tosh and I have put them in the autopsy room for Owen to look at.

Will write up the report tomorrow morning, I'm off home now.

See you later, Gwen

--

To: Owen Harper

From: Toshiko Sato

Date: 3 March 2008, 4.53pm

Subject: Re: Sample analysis

Owen,

The computer is running the full analysis now, the results should be in first thing tomorrow morning.

Gwen and I have left you a couple of presents in the autopsy bay.

See you tomorrow,

Cheers, Tosh

--

To: Owen Harper

From: Ianto Jones

Date: 3 March 2008, 5.09pm

Subject: Re: The bicycle

What on earth did you do to that bicycle? It's filthy and one of the wheels is bent. Do you actually know how to ride one of those things?

Ianto

PS - The deposit is coming out of your pay if I can't get it back from the company.

--

To: Ianto Jones

From: Owen Harper

Date: 3 March 2008, 5.17pm

Subject: Re: The bicycle

Have you seen the weather out there? You'll need more than just a bloody umbrella when… if you leave the hub tonight!

I'm going home.

Owen

--

To: Ianto Jones

From: Capt. Jack Harkness

Date: 3 March 2008, 5.19pm

Subject: All clear?

Have they all gone home yet?

Jack

--

To: Capt. Jack Harkness

From: Ianto Jones

Date: 3 March 2008, 5.28pm

Subject: Re: All clear

Gwen left about half an hour ago, Tosh about 15 minutes after that and Owen is on his way out the door right now. The coast is clear. I have a bottle of wine and the chocolate body paint. See you in ten.

Ianto

--

4 MARCH 2008

--

To: Toshiko Sato

From: Owen Harper

Date: 4 March 2008, 6.47am

Subject: Results

Hey Tosh, you got those results back yet?

Owen

--

To: Owen Harper

From: Toshiko Sato

Date: 4 March 2008, 8.26am

Subject: Re: Results

Owen,

My, you were in early this morning weren't you? You're very impatient, what's so important about these test results?

Tosh

--

To: Toshiko Sato

From: Owen Harper

Date: 4 March 2008, 8.32am

Subject: Re: Results

I've got a lot to do.

The fact that I'm still stained bright pink everywhere except my head might just have something to do with my so-called impatience!

I'd just like to know if this stuff is going to have any other long term effects or not.

Gotta go do these autopsies, come and tell me when you find out ok?

Owen

--

To: Capt Jack Harkness

From: Gwen Cooper

Date: 4 March 2008, 8.44am

Subject: Good Morning

Hi Jack, I've started those reports on the incident in Splott yesterday but Tosh needs to go back out there and sort out a couple of anomalies. She should be done by lunchtime unless anything else crops up.

Gwen

--

To: Owen Harper

From: Toshiko Sato

Date: 4 March 2008, 8.44am

Subject: Re: Results

Owen,

The results are in, everything looks ok, no problems that I can see but I've attached the full report for you to look at. I have to go out again so I don't have time to come and deliver this in person.

See you later,

Tosh

--

To: Gwen Cooper

From: Capt Jack Harkness

Date: 4 March 2008, 8.47am

Subject: Re: Good Morning

Okay Gwen, give me a progress update when you hear from Tosh. Owen's started the autopsies so if you could try and ID the bodies then we can figure out a game plan.

Jack

--

To: Capt Jack Harkness

From: Ianto Jones

Date: 4 March 2008, 9.09am

Subject: Going out

Good Morning sir, everything's running smoothly for now so I'm going to head out to do a bit of shopping.

(We're all out of wine and body paint.)

Ianto

--

To: Ianto Jones

From: Capt Jack Harkness

Date: 4 March 2008, 9.11am

Subject: Re: Going out

Tragedy!! Seeya when you get back then.

Jack

--

To: All

From: Capt Jack Harkness

Date: 4 March 2008, 12.22pm

Subject: ALERT!!

3 Weevils sighted near St Mary's, grab your things we're going NOW!!

Jack

--

To: Toshiko Sato

From: Gwen Cooper

Date: 4 March 2008, 6.45pm

Subject: What a day

God I'm glad that's over. Who'd have thought it would take 6 hours to catch 3 weevils?? All that bloody rain just didn't help.

I'm going to get changed, and then get these reports done. Want to head for the pub afterwards?

Gwen

--

To: Gwen Cooper

From: Toshiko Sato

Date: 4 March 2008, 6.48pm

Subject: Re: What a day

That was definitely the longest weevil hunt I've ever been on. Thank goodness I'd finished up in Splott when Jack called me, at least I didn't have to go back!

Pub sounds great, are we inviting the others or is it a girls' night out? Do the reports tomorrow, Jack won't mind.

Tosh

--

To: Toshiko Sato

From: Gwen Cooper

Date: 4 March 2008, 6.51pm

Subject: Re: What a day

Girls' night I think, Owen hasn't finished the autopsies yet and I saw that Ianto had wine and chocolate body paint in his shopping bags earlier.

I'll meet you up top in 5.

Gwen

--

To: All

From: Gwen Cooper

Date: 4 March 2008, 6.53pm

Subject: Goodnight!

I'm all done, heading off now.

See you all tomorrow.

Gwen

--

To: All

From: Toshiko Sato

Date: 4 March 2008, 6.54pm

Subject: Re: Goodnight!

I'm off as well. Have a nice evening every one!

Tosh

--

To: Ianto Jones

From: Capt Jack Harkness

Date: 4 March 2008, 7.07pm

Subject: Gone?

The girls are gone, and Owen is still elbow deep in corpses.

Did you get that shopping done?

Jack

--

To: Capt Jack Harkness

From: Ianto Jones

Date: 4 March 2008, 7.14pm

Subject: Re: Gone

All shopping completed. Better head for my place tonight then?

See you soon.

Ianto

--

To: Toshiko Sato

From: Owen Harper

Date: 4 March 2008, 7.27pm

Subject: Re: Results

Thanks Tosh, that's very reassuring, I feel much better now!

I see everyone's buggered off already, never offer to help with the mucky stuff do they?

I'll see you tomorrow then.

Owen.

--

5 MARCH 2008

--

To: All

From: Capt Jack Harkness

Date: 5 March 2008, 8.30am

Subject: Meeting

Meeting in the conference room 9am sharp. I hope you've all got your reports done!

Jack

--

To: Toshiko Sato; Gwen Cooper; Ianto Jones

From: Owen Harper

Date: 5 March 2008, 10.06am

Subject: Re: Meeting

Well that was a waste of bloody time. I've got tests to run, you know where to find me if you need me.

Owen

--

To: Capt Jack Harkness

From: Ianto Jones

Date: 5 March 2008, 10.24am

Subject: Stopwatch

Did I leave my stopwatch in your office? I can't find it anywhere.

Ianto

--

To: Ianto Jones

From: Capt Jack Harkness

Date: 5 March 2008, 10.26am

Subject: Re: Stopwatch

Nope, I thought you took it with you. I'll keep an eye out for it.

Jack

--

To: All

From: Toshiko Sato

Date: 5 March 2008, 10.31am

Subject: Busy day

I also have tests to run today, I'll be in my lab if anyone needs me.

Tosh

--

To: All

From: Ianto Jones

Date: 5 March 2008, 11.02am

Subject: Archiving

Seeing as this miserable weather is keeping everyone indoors I'm closing up the tourist office and going down to the archives to catch up on some much needed filing.

There'll be a pot of coffee on in the kitchen if it's needed.

Ianto

--

To: All

From: Gwen Cooper

Date: 5 March 2008, 1.49pm

Subject: Bodies from Splott

I've managed to ID those two bodies, but I need to check up on a couple of things. I'll be out for an hour or two but I should be back later.

Gwen

--

To: Owen Harper

From: Janet Weivele

Date: 5 March 2008, 3.17pm

Subject: Super Slime Supplies

Dear Mr Harper,

Thank you for your enquiry about Super Slime. Whilst we do not usually sell direct to the public we may be able to make an exception in this particular case.

Please come by our office at your convenience or if you would like to make other arrangements please let me know.

Sincerely, Janet

Janet Weivele

Assistant Manager

Super Slime

phone: (77) 123 456 789

--

To: Janet Weivele

From: Owen Harper

Date: 5 March 2008, 5.27pm

Subject: Re: Super Slime Supplies

Dear Ms Weivele,

Thank you for your email, I can come around in about half an hour if that's ok with you.

Thanks, Owen Harper

--

To: All

From: Owen Harper

Date: 5 March 2008, 5.29pm

Subject: Good night!

I'm all done here, see you all tomorrow.

Owen

--

To: All

From: Ianto Jones

Date: 6 March 2008, 6.07am

Subject: WARNING!!

DON'T USE THE SOAP!!

I'll explain as soon as I've replaced it.

Ianto

--


	5. Owen's Revenge

TWWC Week 1

**Title:** Owen's Revenge

**Author:** Obsessed  
**Fandom:** Torchwood  
**Rating:** PG

**Pairings:** none  
**Summary**: Owen gets creative with his slime

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Torchwood.

**A/N:** Written for the TWWC Challenge #5 at The Torchwood Australia Forums.

**Your Challenge for this week (#5) is : ****to write an action sequence****.**

You can choose how it goes, and who is in it, and whether it continues on with your story theme. But it must contain an action sequence.

xx

Owen sat back and reread his notes, and smiled a satisfied smile to himself as he surveyed the row of slime filled beakers that were set up on the bench.

Rubbing his hands together with evil glee he launched himself off his chair, grabbed one of the beakers and headed for the bathroom. He dashed up the stairs, whizzing around the corners as he hurried towards his objective. Arriving in the bathroom he worked quickly. One by one he pulled out the bags of soap from each of the dispensers and after a bit of fiddling, poured a small amount of slime into each one. After giving the bags a quick squeeze and a jiggle to mix it in he returned the bags to the dispensers and then raced back to collect a different beaker and a syringe.

This time he went to Gwen and Tosh's desks, rummaging through the drawers and piles of paperwork until he found something suitable – a hand moisturiser on Tosh's desk and a bottle of self-tanning lotion on Gwen's. Using the syringe, he drew up a small amount of the slime and carefully injected it into Tosh's moisturiser, giving it a good shake to mix it in properly before doing the same to Gwen's self-tanning lotion. Grinning maniacally to himself he quickly gathered up the beaker and syringe and went and swapped them for a third beaker and a new syringe.

Taking the stairs two at a time he went to Jack's office next. He searched Jack's office thoroughly but carefully before finding a small tube that brought an even bigger evil grin to his face. Trying hard not laugh he carefully removed the lid of the tube, injected a small amount of slime, then after replacing the cap he carefully kneaded the tube for a couple of minutes to make sure it was all mixed in properly.

Returning to where the beakers were all lined up for the final time he carefully filled a last syringe with slime from the fourth beaker, and then hurriedly put them all away in one of the cabinets and then locked it securely.

Walking so quickly he was almost running Owen went up to the tourist office, where he used the contents of the last syringe to lightly coat the handset of the telephone before he went back to his computer and deleted all of the CCTV footage from the last 15 minutes and replaced it with footage of himself working at the computer, and stock footage of all the other rooms he had been in. Leaning back in his chair he took deep a breath and grinned again. Tomorrow was going to be fun!

He checked his watch – 20 minutes until he was due to meet Janet Wievele at the little Italian restaurant near his flat. Owen grabbed his coat, his phone and his bag, and quietly left the hub.

xx


	6. It's Got Nothing To Do With Whales

TWWC Week 1

**Title:** It's Got Nothing To Do With Whales

**Author:** Obsessed  
**Fandom:** Torchwood  
**Rating:** PG

**Pairings:** just canon  
**Summary**: Gwen has a little problem.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Torchwood.

**A/N:** Written for the TWWC Challenge #6 at The Torchwood Australia Forums.

Your Challenge for this week (#6) is to write at least 200 words from each person's point of view of the same incident or scene, or a continuation of one incident or scene, and include the phrase 'You could always try speaking whale.' You may include Rhys if you wish as well, but you must include all members of the team.

xx

Rhys

Rhys was woken by strange sound. A slightly soggy, bumping, jerking sort of sound, that wasn't quite regular, but still came at fairly consistent intervals. In his half asleep, half awake daze he knew it sounded familiar but all he could manage to think was that he wished the damn tap would stop dripping, NOW! There was a pause, a slightly longer interval where he thought that the sound had stopped, and he might just be able to get back to sleep, but with a sudden jerk and a painful groan the sound came again.

"Gwen? 's 'at you?" he mumbled sleepily into his pillow. "'S tap dripping…?"

"It's not the tap Rhys." Gwen's weary voice came from the other side of the bed. "It's me. I've got the…" HIC "ooww… hiccups!"

Rhys rolled over and managed to open an eye. "Aw love, water?" he managed to say through the fog of sleep clouding his brain.

"Tried it. Didn't work." Gwen's voice was tired, and she gasped with pain as another hiccup racked her upper body. "Going to work now, I'll try something else there."

"'K, goo' luck." With a sigh Rhys rolled over and fell straight back to sleep.

Gwen

Gwen hissed through her teeth as another killer hiccup jerked through her body. Three hours she'd been hiccupping for now, and she was heartily sick of it. They continued for the entire journey in to the Hub, with only the occasional pause for respite, but no relief from their relentless persistence, and by the time she arrived at the Hub her ribs ached and she felt like her own personal earthquake was living in her chest.

The tourist office was empty when she let herself in, so she carefully leant over the counter between hiccups to press the button that would let her through the secret entrance into the Hub.

When she entered the Hub Jack was standing near Tosh's computer, looking at something on the screen. He looked up as she made her noisy entrance, a concerned look on his face.

"You ok there Gwen?"

"Do I sound ok?" she said grumpily. "Got any hiccup cures I haven't tried already?" HIC

Jack grinned. "Well, you could always try..." he leant over and whispered in her ear.

"Jack!! HIC That's enough!" Gwen could feel her cheeks growing hot at the idea of Jack's suggestion. "Have you got anything G rated?"

Jack

Jack thought seriously for a moment, and then had an idea. "'You could always try speaking whale. That works a treat."

Gwen just looked at him, with an expression that made him feel like he must be an idiot of the highest degree to even think about suggesting something that ridiculous.

"Whale? You want to me to HIC speak whale?"

Jack shrugged, "It works for me. So, what else have you tried? Holding your breath?"

"Until I passed out." Gwen admitted.

"Drinking a large glass of water whilst holding your nose?"

"A whole litre bottle… and now I need to pee."

Jack thought hard, he didn't remember many other methods as the whale one always worked for him. "Um, breathing into a paper bag?"

"Yes," Gwen sighed, "I've tried everything I can think of – standing on my head, eating a large spoonful of HIC peanut butter, making myself sneeze and reciting the alphabet in reverse."

"Ooh, I know!" Jack's face lit up, "A Chellian Rotoneedle will do the trick!" and then fell again, "But unfortunately we don't have one."

He backed up a bit as Gwen glared at him, "Well I suppose I'll just have to suffer then, won't I?"

Owen

Owen was down in the autopsy room when he heard Gwen enter the Hub, the echoes of her hiccups preceding her with varying degrees of tone and volume. He watched as she paused to talk to Jack, who seemed to be making some rather unorthodox and possibly lewd suggestions by the flush of red that spread across her cheeks and forehead. Hiccups huh? Well, Owen knew a few cures for hiccups and he decided to try one of them right now.

A quick rummage through his drawers was rewarded with the discovery of a sturdy plastic bag, which he promptly blew into a balloon and sealed with a carefully tied knot. Concealing the bag behind his back, he moved cautiously around the Hub, joining Jack and Gwen at the top of the stairs that led from the cog entrance up to the platform where all their computer stations were located.

"Actually it's a shame we don't have a Chellian Rotoneedle, they're really good at getting rid of hiccups." Jack was saying as Owen walked up behind Gwen. "Don't you agree Owen?"

"Absolutely." Owen agreed as he swiftly brought the balloon up behind Gwen and popped it with a loud bang!

Toshiko

Just as she stepped out of the elevator Toshiko was startled by the sound of a large bang inside the Hub. Fearing what she would find she cautiously edged up to the cog door and peered in through the porthole window. She could see Jack laughing as Gwen yelled at Owen, who was defiantly arguing back.

"… did you do that for?" Gwen screeched loudly.

"What's happening?" Tosh asked as she reached the top of the stairs. "Gwen, are you ok?" Tosh looked from Gwen, with her black circles and smudged makeup, to Jack, to Owen and back to Gwen.

"Gwen had a bad case of the hiccups and Owen just scared them out of her, that's all." Jack explained whilst trying not to laugh.

"Oh Gwen, are you ok? Is there anything I can do?" Tosh asked with concern but Gwen shook her head.

"Thanks Tosh but I'll be fine now. All fixed." HIC "Ohhhh nooooo!!"

Tosh put her bag down on her desk and gently took Gwen by the arm. "Come on, I've got something that will help you." She glared meaningfully at the two smirking men. "We'll go to the bathroom and get you cleaned up first."

Ianto

Ianto was returning from the storeroom with some new bags of soap and didn't notice Tosh and Gwen heading for the bathrooms. He did see Owen though, and dropping the bags he strode single-mindedly towards him.

"Owen Harper, you are a wanker!" he declared as he got close enough to grab Owen and start throttling him.

"Wow, Ianto! Ease up!" Jack grabbed Ianto from behind and quickly separated the two men before too much damage had occurred. "What's the problem?"

"I take it you didn't read your email yet this morning Jack." Ianto ground out from between gritted teeth as he held his hands up. They were bright green and sparkly.

"Oh." Jack was a little taken aback. "No, none of us have had time... why are your hands green?" he asked with a perplexed look on his face.

"The soap in the bathrooms. I suspect it has something to do with the slime factory… and Owen."

"Oh well that's easily fixed." Jack replied calmly, but as Ianto watched a horrified look slowly oozed over Jack's face.

"What?" Ianto asked, worried at the manic look on Jack's face.

"Tosh and Gwen have just gone to wash up in the bathroom!"

xx


	7. A Week In The Life

**Title:** A Week In The Life

**Author:** Obsessed

**Rating:** PG

**Pairings:** just canon stuff

**Summary**: a week in the life of the Torchwood team

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Torchwood.

**A/N:** Written for the TWWC Challenge #7 at the Torchwood Fanclub of Australia Forums.

Your Challenge for this week, my fellow Diarists, is to construct a series of daily entries from Ianto's Diary / Journal. In all, his diary must encompass a full week (this Sunday to the next).

You can choose how you do it. You can either write it all in one go and date the diary pages / post pages with each day of this week. Or you can do it like I will be trying, and posting a new diary / journal entry each day this week. All that is up to you.

xx

**  
Sunday**

More consequences from the slime factory today – it seems that Owen brought back several extra samples and spiked the soap in the bathrooms. Gwen, Tosh and I all have bright green hands now, and Gwen has a green face. Owen has disappeared, probably in fear of his life.

More weevil disturbances in the old warehouse district but luckily no fatalities. Jack says they're probably being disturbed by all the rain and will go back down into the sewers when the clear spell predicted for the week comes over.

Early knock off, even for a Sunday, Jack and I are going for lunch at the pub.

**  
Monday**

Early start today – Jack phoned me around 4am about some Rift activity the monitors had picked up , and we were all at the Hub by 5.

Tosh pinpointed the activity several kilometres from the Hub and after searching for several hours we tracked down a half a dozen various items that had come through. Tosh is analysing them now.

Gwen has ID'd the two bodies that she and Tosh brought back from Splott last week. Seems they're both ex-employees of the Super Slime Company. Owen says he has a contact there so he and Gwen are investigating further. I expect Owen will be lucky to return unharmed – Gwen is still extremely cross with him.

**  
Tuesday**

More early Rift activity today – why can't the bloody thing buy a clock and operate during business hours only?? We were roused from our slumber at 3am this time but it was all in vain.

Today's disturbances were in the warehouse district and whatever came through caused a huge fire, burning down two buildings and damaging three others. Whatever it was that came through must have been burnt to a crisp, as a thorough search didn't turn up a single thing.

Owen is sporting a rather lovely black eye today, and Gwen is now the proud owner of three fractured fingers. Unfortunately for her Owen got to do the doctoring and he wasn't quite as gentle as he could have been. I ended up moderating the whole procedure to ensure that they didn't kill each other.

Jack and I are going out for Chinese tonight.

**  
Wednesday**

Tosh finished analysing the items from Monday's Rift activity today and I have now archived them according to my own complicated and convoluted filing system (at least that's what I tell Jack in the hopes of keeping him out of there.) Jack claims that they're all harmless doodads but Tosh says the readings from some of them were very unusual but she couldn't identify anything specific.

Owen's contact from the Super Slime Company gave us some information on the two murder victims we brought in last week – they'd both quit over some sort of dispute with the owner a few weeks ago and according to police records they went missing a few days later. Jack wants to talk to Owen's contact but he is somewhat reluctant to let Jack anywhere near the mystery person, which makes me suspect that said person is reasonable attractive and that Owen hopes to do more than just talk with him/her.

**  
Addition**

There was a rash of UFO sightings over the city this evening, a few hours after we'd all gone home, so here we all are, back again. Hundreds of glowing balls of light about the size of a mouse were streaming through the atmosphere over the city. Apparently they were seen as far as away as Swindon and Carmarthen. Jack says everyone in the area who was awake to watch the show are some of the most privileged beings in the universe as shows like this happen so rarely. According to Jack, it was swarm of newly spawned Jocqualians – he says that the adults lay their eggs in the corona of the nearest yellow sun, and then the solar flares fling the hatchlings into space where they travel in huge swarms for hundreds of years before finding a star on the verge of going nova. The extreme heat and pressure of the nova causes them to metamorphose into adults and they then continue to travel alone or in pairs for thousands more years before starting the cycle all over again. Their trip through our atmosphere would be something like a splash in the seaside Jack says, dipping into it for fun the way we might run through the spray from the sprinklers on a hot day. It was beautiful.

Owen said it reminded him of The Day of The Triffids and refused to watch it. Jack replied that not only was The Day Of The Triffids make believe but it would be difficult for any alien species to achieve world domination if they'd only crippled Wales and a small portion of England and Ireland.

**  
Thursday**

I swear Jack delights in torturing us. We'd barely made it home before he was calling us in again this morning. This time it was Major Rift activity and it didn't take long for Tosh to ascertain where it was centred. It took longer to search through the area and find what had actually come through, and wasn't that a surprise!

We recovered a large van that had materialised in the middle of one of the major highways leading into Cardiff and promptly crashed through the barriers and smashed into a tree, killing the driver instantly. The contents of the van was fairly mundane – just electronics mainly, DVD players, televisions, stereos and several carton of DVD's. Initial analysis determined that everything was of Earth origin, but further investigation revealed that there several minor differences which led us to believe that the truck has come through the rift from a parallel universe.

The big discovery came soon after this, and it turned out to be in the cartons of DVD movies. Most of them were identical to anything you would find in your local video store – new releases, directors' cuts of older movies and old television series that everyone was happy about when they finished. There were a few minor differences in a couple of the DVD's – Interview With The Vampire had Christian Slater in it instead of River Phoenix; Julia Roberts was blonde in Flatliners instead of brunette and there are 7 Jaws movies and 6 Alien movies. (Owen snaffled those before Jack had a chance to stop him, he was very excited!)

And then we pulled out the Torchwood DVD's. To say that there was stunned silence would be seriously understating the obvious. The strangest thing was that they had everything exactly right! Suzie's death, Gwen's incident with the sex alien… they even got the Weevils right. Jack stopped us from unpacking anything else and went off to his office to have a look them. He came out a couple of hours later wanting to know if anyone else wanted to have a look. Naturally we all jumped at the chance. The DVD's are of a television series about… us! Jack says that some parallel universes are so close that sometimes the differences swap over in strange forms – in the world these DVD's came from Torchwood is a television show, a figment of someone's imagination, whereas here, we are very real.

I must say at this point, that they have done an extremely good job of it – the actor that play's Jack is almost as good as our real one, and the bloke that plays me is perfect! Although, the man playing Owen is a bit underdone in my opinion – makes him seem almost bearable, or maybe that's just my opinion.

After watching the first few episodes Jack made the decision to lock them away, saying that there were some things that just didn't need to be seen… again. I think certain people must have agreed with him, given that there weren't really any protests, and knowing what I do about some of the things that went on last year.

I did notice a little later on that Jack pulled some other DVD's from the crate and locked them away in his office. I didn't get a good look but I'm fairly certain that they had the word 'Doctor' on the front cover. I wonder…

**  
Friday**

Owen's contact at the Super Slime Company has managed to procure us samples of the dye base that is being used in their slime. In fact, it turns out that it's been in his possession for almost a week now. Jack had stern words with him in the office.

The dye base is a very strange substance that I've never really seen the like of before. An opalescent, glittery kind of crystal that doesn't actually have any colour of its' own. Tests have shown that it isn't actually a colourant or dye, but somehow it enhances and increases any colour or colours already present in any substance, including colour, intensity, brightness and… tada… staining properties! It's very powerful, so only a little is needed, which means that the quantity that the Super Slime Company currently possesses will last them several years if they use it carefully… and find a dye that doesn't stain! Gwen and Tosh were quite interested in what it would do if added to hair dye.

Tosh reconfirmed its non toxicity, and there are no other indicators at all that it presents ANY sort of danger, which is a relief to all of us. (I won't mention what happened to Jack, it's too embarrassing.) The question now is what is it, where did it come from, and how did the SSC get hold of it in the first place?? Oh, and why were two of their former employees murdered just after leaving the company?

A report has just come in about some odd goings on at a jewellery store in the city. Gwen and I are going to investigate.

**  
Saturday**

Well wasn't that a complete and utter cock-up! For 'security' and 'secrecy' Jack decided that Gwen and I should pose as an engaged couple (well, she does already have the ring I suppose) looking for wedding rings. Why it had to be us I wasn't very sure about to start with but after what happened I think I have a better idea.

When we arrived at the jeweller's there were quite a few customers waiting for service so Gwen and I browsed undisturbed for a good five or ten minutes. I had a scanner concealed in my jacket but it was very quiet and everything was looking pretty normal and uneventful to start with.

It wasn't until the clerk approached us enquiring if we needed any help that we had our first suspicions but by the time the scanner detected anything amiss it was too late! Suffice it to say that when we tried on a pair of wedding rings (as part of our cover) the scanner went crazy when some sort of alien technology contained in the rings was activated and promptly turned us from a pair of professional alien hunters to a couple of lovesick puppies. Apparently we paid for the rings very quickly, with no qualms at all, and then we left in a bit of a hurry… so I'm told. Thankfully (and I'm sure Gwen feels the same way) I have no clear memories of what we did after that, but according to Jack, he and Tosh got to us just in time. I informed Jack that next time could we please just go in with guns waving and seize the suspect goods. Much simpler and less likely to cause embarrassment. I hope.

**Sunday**

I've decided not to go in to work today. After yesterday's incident, and the rest of the week, I've decided I need a whole day off. Not just part of one, or most of one, but ALL of one. And to make it a bit more fun… I managed to snaffle the Torchwood DVD's that Jack had hidden in his office. I'm curious to see if the rest of the series is as accurate as the first couple of episodes. I must say, it's a bit spooky to think that somewhere, in another reality, someone is channelling everything we do. It makes me a little nervous when I'm doing certain personal and private activities, if you catch my meaning.

Right, the microwave's finished, popcorn and large drink, here we come!

xx


	8. Torchwood Bad Poetry Week

**Title:** Torchwood Bad Poetry Week

**Author:** Obsessed

**Rating/Warnings:** PG mostly, one with F-Bombs, plus one very minor spoiler for 'Meat'

**Pairings:** various mentions only

**Summary**: lots of bad poetry!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Torchwood.

**A/N:** Written for the TWWC Challenge #8 at the Torchwood Fanclub of Australia Forums.

..

xx

..

Captain Jack is tall and brooding,

Owen Harper's small and moody.

Ianto Jones looks good in a suit,

Sweet Toshiko's smart and cute.

Gwen's always ready to join in the fight,

But Suzie's dead and locked up tight.

This is Team Torchwood, daring and brave!

But don't mention sex! They'll never behave!

..

xx

..

Oh! Torchwood!!

Defender of the weak!

Protector of the innocent!

Destroyer of alien threats and menaces!

Recklessly driving in your black SUV,

Leaving mayhem and confusion in your wake.

Cloaked in secrecy…

Walking in shadows…

Oh Torchwood.

..

xx

..

Behold Janet, she is a Weevil,

With beady eyes that are so evil.

Long sharp teeth and pointy claws,

She has no reason to wear drawers.

..

xx

..

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,

Get Ianto with your… stick.

Hold your breath and count to ten,

Next time you'll be getting Gwen.

Stop that beanstalk from a-growin,

Or you'll never catch an Owen.

Oh! My! Golly Gosh!

Last but not least you've got Tosh!

..

xx

..

(MUST be sung to the tune of Spiderman)

..

Captain Jack, Captain Jack,

When he dies he just comes back.

He can stand, on the roof,

Of aliens he's got lots of proof,

Look out! Here comes our Captain Jack!

...

Captain Jack, Captain Jack,

He just wants you in the sack.

He's got tricks you've never seen,

And I bet you're really keen

To see… how good is Captain Jack.

...

Captain Jack, Captain Jack,

He's got Gwen to watch his back.

Ianto, Tosh and Owen too,

They're so much better than SVU.

Torchwood!! Belongs to Captain Jack.

...

Captain Jack, Captain Jack.

He's a flirt and that's a fact.

He fucks them north and fucks them south,

He fucks them til he hears them shout.

Oh, oh, oh, OH!! Captain Jack.

..

xx

..

(And this is to the tune of 'What Shall We Do With The Drunken Sailor')

(Have a look on YouTube if you're not familiar with the song, there's a couple of nice Pirates of The Caribbean vids set to this song.)

..

Oh, what shall we do with Captain Jack?

What shall we do with Captain Jack?  
What shall we do with Captain Jack?

He just won't stay dead!

...

He was exterminated by Daleks,

He was exterminated by Daleks,

He was exterminated by Daleks.

But then Rose brought him back.

...

Suzie shot him in the head,

Suzie shot him in the head,

Suzie shot him in the head.

But he just stood back up.

...

Cyberwoman tried to delete him,

Cyberwoman tried to delete him,

Cyberwoman tried to delete him.

That didn't work either.

...

Abadon sucked all life from him,

Abadon sucked all life from him,

Abadon sucked all life from him.

Gwen gave him the kiss of life.

...

His old friend John pushed him off the roof,

Old friend John pushed him off the roof,

Old friend John pushed him off the roof.

Oh look! He's back again!

...

Oh, what shall we do with Captain Jack?

What shall we do with Captain Jack?  
What shall we do with Captain Jack?

He just won't stay dead!

..

xx

..

This one is the Aussie convict ballad 'Botany Bay' (oh, and the parts in italics don't belong in the song, I just wanted to put them there)

If you don't know the tune, once again look for it on youtube, or send me a message and I'll give you a link.

..

There once was a young man named Ianto

He looked pretty good in a suit

He lost his poor girlfriend named Lisa

When the cybermen took her for themselves

(_and now he's shagging the bloke who shot her… what the_)

...

Chorus

Singing toorali oorali addity,

Singing tooralie ooriali ay!

Singing toorali oorali addity,

Let's all join Torchwood today!

...

Now Owen's a very skilled doctor

But hopeless at romance you see

Loved Dianne the sexy time traveller

But she loved her plane more than he.

(_It does seem to have made him a nice person though… eventually_)

...

Chorus

...

Then you've got Tosh the Black Widow

All of her loves end up dead!

We hope that one day she'll find happiness

But her chances don't look seem all that good.

(_and I think that says it really, don't you?_)

...

Chorus

...

Gwen Cooper has signed up in secret

She didn't tell Rhys the whole truth!

But he finally found out what her job is,

And though he worries he thinks it's quite neat.

(_and he looks at stars differently now too!_)

...

Chorus

...

Captain Jack is an enigma,

The ultimate man of mystery.

There are so many secrets that he keeps,

And his team rants so frustratedly

(_cos they really want to know more about him!_)

...

Chorus

...

These are the members of Torchwood,

The smart and the strong and the brave.

Torchwood will protect us forever,

As weekly the world they will save.

(_even if it is their own fault it's in danger half the time!_)

..

xx

..

Oh Torchwood holds a special place,

In Earthly his-tor-ee.

It's saved the world a dozen times,

And more to come, you'll see!

Of course, we must ignore the fact,

That it's usually their fault.

That it even needed to be saved,

Because they opened the vault!

..

xx

..

Yes, it's all bad. Yes, it's supposed to be! NO, it doesn't relate to the previous Slime stories at all but because it's still written for the Torchwood Weekly Writing Challenge I put it in here anyway.

All groaning welcome :-)


End file.
